"I Need Protection" is a song by Colin Moulding under the pseudonym The Colonel. It appeared as the B-side to "Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen," apparently to keep the vinyl from warping.

It reappeared with "Too Many" on the odds-and-ends compilation Rag and Bone Buffet: Rare Cuts and Leftovers.


Andy Partridge: “Colin needed this to keep the 'Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen' single from warping.”[1]


Oh, I need protection

Nothing is safe and

Nothing is truly sacred

If you want to stay alive

Keep your body from the undertakers

Sing out!

Oh, I need protection

Have you ever had a threat?

Have you ever had [call / cold] [pause to make] stare?

You can see it on TV

From the pleasing safety of your armchair

Sing out!

Oh, I need protection

When it slap you in the face

Will you take [down] [far / Barth] to consider

What will you do

when he says to you, "Stand, deliver"

Will you take to your heels

And fight to brazen your features

Yeah, it won't go away

With just one click of your fingers

Sing out!

Oh, I need protection


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